Get Stuffed Goal Setting Session

Meeting Summary for Wednesday 5 January 2011, present; Cathy, Cas and Jenny.

Following Wendy Harmers excellent advice, we ditched all hopes of ever setting and sticking any New Year’s resolution and instead concentrated on being happier! J Thanks Cathy for bringing this brilliant gem of insight and humour.

While New Year’s resolutions are so much alcohol inspired codswallop, goal setting is not. Discussing our goals leads down the garden path to Purpose. And what a Pandora’s box that turns out to be....

Setting goals without Purpose is like sailing without a rudder. It’s all very well to set sail and lose sight of the shore, but you better bloody well have a compass.

What great insights to share. Having 3 people at 3 different stages of developing a Life purpose was really interesting.  Cas (sanctimonious so-&-so) had a Purpose developed at Anthony Robbin’s “Date with Destiny” conference in 2007, Cathy was developing one, and Jenny was fascinated.

Cas shared her purpose  - to use my unlimited love and boundless enthusiasm and creativity, to move, awaken and open people to the possibilities within themselves and this amazing world and be an agent for positive change.

Cathy had categorised purposes in each life balance area, a great start to crystalise into words that hopefully make the heart sing!

Cathy’s Purpose is still in the ruminating stage.... you need to sit with the words and make sure they resonate and ring true...wear them a while and see if they sit comfortably...

To continually grow and learn and use my love to connect and contribute, giving freely to those in need, enjoying life – latte style – with family and friends.

Discussing Purpose, it’s important not to overly intellectualise the process. Connecting to the heart is essential (but so hard!) because the Purpose is an emotional driver.

Jenny had some excellent Goals..... Less Process driven, less road rage! More being in the moment.... more kindness to others and small gestures...a beautiful story about a flower and kind words never realised to a woman who later committed suicide.

Cas explained her goal setting process, in a series of concentric circles.... a life purpose surrounded by Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAGs) life long term goals...and these BHAG’s broken down into do-able projects. Congruence is achieved by filtering goals and projects through the Life Purpose.

A day is chunked into blocks of time for BHAGs, and the night before, a few minutes of planning looking at what will bring the best results, with flexibility added for children, unexpected moments, spontaneity and serendipity. Cas has renamed To Do’s to Ta Da’s and looks at these last, reclaiming her life from the tyranny of endless to-do lists by chunking. .

The “Time Lord” goal is to review daily, weekly, quarterly and annually, ensuring the process keeps pushing delivery of life purpose in the real world with real results the ultimate (ruthless reality) feedback.  Still working on making the “Time Lord” reality match the vision on this one!

Journaling, meditation, contemplation, consideration, reflection and prayer all serve as feedback mechanisms between dreaming and doing.... to create results aligned with visions. The challenge is incorporating this into real life, dirty dishes, school camps, matching socks, filing receipts, tax returns, etc! It is possible but it takes a willingness to change and time.

A discussion of what really matters, junk on the kerbside or a life time of treasured possessions and curtains was amusing and insightful!

What are the conditions for your happiness? Is it hard to be happy and easy to be sad? Or is it easy to be happy and hard to be sad; it depends on the rules you have.

Remembering the map is not the reality, what is your blueprint? How much is open to negotiation, how much is NOT negotiable and how much resistance vs acceptance is built into these beliefs systems (BS) bullshit.

Balancing our needs for living with “what is” and creating change to “what is possible”, is like a see saw, like trying to walk along a straight line. It requires constant adjustment and re-evaluation, growth, learning and wisdom! J  That’s the fun of the journey I suppose.  

The Indian food was delicious, the service attentive and the restuarnt quiet enough to hold a decent conversation....Despite a memorable summer storm of hail and torrential rain to start the evening we talked passionately for 3.5hrs about this stuff! Definitely a subject we can revisit...

Cas

45 Important Life Lessons

Written by a 90 year old woman. Will take less than 2 minutes to read. Something for every daily dilemna!

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey
is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for
an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't
save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will
this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

All the people I'll never be

Wendy Harmer  From: The Sunday Telegraph  January 02, 2011 12:00AM

NO new-year resolutions for me in 2011. After years of thinking of myself as some sort of "renovator's opportunity" DIY project and inevitably finishing up way behind schedule and over budget, I'm taking another course.

If, in three decades of adult life, I haven't been able to make any significant personal improvements, I reckon it's too late now.

This year, I've decided instead to acknowledge everything about me that - no matter how much time, energy and money I invest - will never change.

This is my last hope. If I accept my true nature as a deeply flawed individual, I may just find peace in this lifetime. So, here goes:

I will never be thin. Even at my thinnest, I was fat - and that's because, whether I'm wearing a size 12 or a size 16, as long as Natalie Portman and Portia de Rossi still walk the earth, I'm enormous.

The news is in that Natalie is pregnant and will get a tiny bit bigger, but after she gives birth she will be even thinner than before because, as she will no doubt tell us, she's breast-feeding and can't gain an ounce.

There's only one consolation. I suspect that Portia still thinks she's fat, even though she told Oprah she's beaten her eating disorder and is now a "happy and healthy" weight. (In LA, this is code for "enormous".)

Oprah has enough money not to worry so much about her size these days. So this leaves me fatter than Natalie, poorer than Oprah and marginally happier than Portia. This is about the best I will ever manage.

I will always hate exercise. I've never experienced the "feel good" endorphins that are supposedly released when you flog yourself into a sweat on the treadmill. Apparently these chemicals, along with adrenalin, serotonin and dopamine, mask pain (!) and get you high.

I now realise that I was born without this particular brain function. Those cheery chemicals are released in my body only when I drink.

I'll never stop drinking. This is a given. I give up trying to give up.

My house will never be tidy. I've long nurtured the fantasy of kitchen benches free of the detritus of family life - dumped keys, sunglasses, unopened mail, homework, school notes, sticky, eggy plates and cartons of rancid milk.

If I do manage to achieve the nirvana of a spotless bench, it will be a joyous moment, although fleeting, because I will instantly note that the floor needs sweeping.

Likewise, the laundry basket will never be empty, the dishwasher will always be full and when I look out my kitchen window, I will inevitably spot a cobweb.

The thing to keep in view is that one day my children will leave home and I'll weep with sadness over my tidy bench.

I will always lose receipts for big household items. I can pin them to the corkboard, file them, even staple them to my arm. No matter. When the item breaks, the receipt will mysteriously disappear, along with its instruction manual and warranty.

I am destined never to be able to return a faulty item or have it repaired for free. Que sera, sera.

It doesn't matter how carefully I manage my personal finances, my friends will always have cheaper private health insurance, power bills and bank fees than me. They will tell me, in great detail, of their wisdom and good fortune.

There's a level of personal grooming that I will never attain. Even though I spend hours of preparation on my hair, outfit, nails and accessories, I always register that the woman standing next to me looks effortlessly flawless while I feel like a patchwork quilt thrown over an unmade bed.

I've felt like this since I was eight years old. I'm betting Oprah, Natalie and Portia have too.

Compared with Stephen Fry, I'll always be an idiot. Most of us will. He's what's known as a "polymath", (sadly, I had to look that up). It means he's a Renaissance man, a brainbox educated in a wide variety of subjects, an author, wit, scholar and raconteur.

Inspired by the divine Mr Fry, I have tried mastering chess, speaking French and Latin, reading classic literature, studying ancient history and listening to opera.

However, I haven't managed to put the knowledge I've gained into any coherent order. It's been like chucking rocks down a dark, deep well, and any nuggets of information I have gathered are now irretrievable.

Sometimes you have to bow down to genius, so it's heartening to know that Stephen Fry reckons he feels inadequate when he stands next to J. K. Rowling.

I'll never be J. K. Rowling either. Enough said.

I'd like to be demure and ladylike. Perhaps a bit more Olivia Newton-John-ish. But, truth is, I'm more Wendy Harmer-like. I'm loud and say dumb things at the wrong time. I regret it when I've said something really inane, but I'm not sure how to stop.

However, when Stephen Fry wrote on Twitter: "God I'm stupid sometimes. What an arse I am", it made me feel better. The only thing I can say is that I now have an affinity with people who are as foolish as me. Is this progress? I can only hope so.

So, given this list of my personal failings, what's left for me to work on? Not much, I'm afraid.

Luckily I'm just smart enough to have discovered the inspirational writings of the great and wise Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius Antonius (AD 121-180), who said: "Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it."And so I tumble into 2011. Maybe I'll never be better than I am now, but hopefully I'll be happier.

And, in pursuit of that fine cause, I raise a drink and wish you a happy New Year.

Wendy Harmer is an author, a broadcaster and a mother and we thank her for writing this, give her all the credit and cudous for saying so humourously what we all secretly were thinking!